It always makes me smile when someone back home says, “Well that was a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Good for you.” I’m not smiling because of the congratulatory undertone; I’m smiling because they really and truly believe it’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience. As if I couldn’t just go do it again if i wanted to. Or, perhaps, as if I won’t. But we’ll see about that.
The excitement/worries didn’t come right when I set the date for my thru-hike. I think it came after I told my parents about it. Of course they weren’t thrilled, but once that conversation was over, a great burden was lifted and I became VERY excited. I didn’t want to tell everyone at first cause, god forbid something happens and I don’t make it all the way. But I couldn’t hold it in, and by the time I was hiking, EVERYONE knew.
The doubt came about 4 months prior to my hike. I had started dating a girl and enjoyed my time with her, and suddenly wasn’t as excited. Then when my hiking partner backed out, I remember sitting in the car with him and my girlfriend-at-the-time not surprised by this announcement. I had seen it coming and understood. They asked me if I was still going to go. I sighed heavily, more unsure about whether this was the right choice or not than ever before, and said, “I have to.”
I didn’t feel like I had to because I had told so many people though. I just felt like it was an important step in my life…or an important 5 million steps…though I don’t have any clue why.
I think it’s safe to say I had constant butterflies right up until I started the Approach Trail with Burn on Feb. 29 of this year. Then it was on and off, mixed with periods of disbelief. Eventually, the butterflies subside and the woods simply become your home. When you get home, you’ll be amused at how shocked people are when they find out you actually slept in the middle of the woods completely alone. But then you’ll smile, remembering how only 7 months ago, you wouldn’t been shocked at that too.
I can’t say “don’t worry” because I know that you’re going to no matter what. Just don’t let worry get the best of you. Fear is just our minds way of saying, “Woah, this might be dangerous.” It warns us when either (A) we’ve experienced a similar situation and it ended badly or (B) we haven’t experienced the situation before and don’t know WHAT to expect. The latter is just a matter of expanding our comfort zone.
I once heard that “worry” and “excitement” are part of the same nervous energy that we get when exposed to something unfamiliar. Perhaps concentrating on the excitment will help you.
Congratulations to the aspiring thru-hikers of 2005. And remember, you dont have to hike over 2,000 miles to get your experience. Be okay with whatever decision you make, even if it doesn’t get you from Georgia to Maine.
Leki-Less