AT home support team

imported
#1

My husband (Kentucky Graybeard) started a flip-flopped thru-hike Saturday (April 26) in Southwestern Virginia. I find myself avidly reading the trailjournals to see if anyone has spotted him. (Skeemer and Goldberry are closing in fast!) I anxiously wait for a phone call from him to make sure he’s okay and on track. (Haven’t heard a thing from him since Sunday morning–three whole days! Ack!) I understand that cell phones and the AT don’t mix (both etiquette-wise and technology-wise) and am not interested in starting a discussion of the pros and cons from the hikers’ perspective. I guess I just had higher expectations of these little gadgets for making it possible for me to keep in touch with him. Apparently, he isn’t within range of a tower because the voicemail box is full (and I really try to leave brief, encouraging messages!). Wah-wah!

Anyway, I thought it might be interesting to start a discussion here on how the at-home support team survives an AT thru-hike. I’m sure there are others out there reading these forums just as I am, hoping for a “glimpse” of their loved one.

How do you all do it?!?!?! Does it get better after a time? How often do you arrange for a rendezvous? When I left him, I said I’d pick him up on Pennsylvania on the way to the family reunion, but there’s no way the kids and I are gonna make it that long! Are there other sites like this one that I should monitor, as well? (None as good, I’m sure!)

Any advice (and support) would be greatly appreciated! I just try to put it in perspective and think of all the military spouses who sent loved ones to the war. At least I know he’s not being shot at. (Well, unless it’s hunting season somewhere and there DID seem to be a lot of guys in camouflage gear at the parking spot between Bland and Bastian, where he started his hike.)

See? I worry too much!

Graybeard’s Wife
rfox@mis.net

Graybeard’s Wife

#2

Didn’t I hear that cell phone attracted bear? And VA is full of bear!! Just kidding. Our four children had it hard the whole time we were gone. One of our daughters worried the whole trip. We called home every week to 10 days. Our youngest is 25! However, they did get excited about our journey and really enjoyed our journals. We did see one hiker with a cell phone and when he got homesick he would call. He didn’t last long on the trail. He went home at Fontana before the Smokies. Several of the people we hiked with met their spouses on the trail. It was always a bad week hiking with them afterwards. It seems the less contact the better they hiked.

Papa Smurf

#3

Your husband may either not be able to call (bad reception) or the phone may not be working (dropped it in a stream), or he may want to get immersed in the world he is currently inhabiting and doesn’t want to split himself yet.

Your husband has entered a different universe, where time runs differently and everything familiar becomes alien. If he tries to be in both worlds at once, he will be so divided that continuing his hike becomes very difficult. I agree with Papa Smurf – often for married folks who left their spouses at home, every time they called home, they would be very unhappy. Some went home, some stopped calling home. I think the spouses weren’t all that happy either with the communication. The hiking spouse feels very far away, living a very intense and interesting life and seeming to care very little for the details of what is happening back home. I remember talking to a thruhiker after he had spent half an hour talking to his wife: “So, how is she doing? How is she keeping busy?” “I have no idea, we never got to that, I had so much to tell her about the trail.” For you, his world and the people he is with will really seem alien too. He will find things really funny that you just think are odd. He will probably lose his ‘couth’ – (Read Model-T’s book, “Walking on the Happy Side of Misery” for examples.) He will seem closer to some of those strangers than to people he has known for years. He truly is in an alternate reality right now. You can understand it best by spending time with him on the trail or in trail towns. How often depends on your schedule and finances. I’ve known people who were met every day by their non-hiking spouse, every month, and not at all while they were on the trail. If you want to UNDERSTAND his world, then more is better. But it may also change his hike in ways he won’t appreciate. YMMV

As to your other comment, AT-L has a lot of hikers (thru and section) and more than one home support person. Check out www.backcountry.net on how to subscribe.

SpiritWalker

#4

Master Smurf,

I humbly disagree with the less contact part. The spouse remaining behind needs to feel part of the trip. I posted today after finally getting my head back on straight. Kids are far different than a spouse, in my case not being cognizant of those worrying at home proved to be irresponsible. Mrs Wife, I can’t tell you how to handle this but I can tell you from experience that if my wife and I had discussed the problem long before we did, I would still be on the trail.

BearKat

#5

Thanks Papa Smurf, SpiritWalker, and BearKat for taking time to respond. I appreciate your honesty. I don’t know if I’m cut out for this, but I guess it’s a survival experience on both ends!

Still haven’t heard from him, but would have thought he’d have gotten to Pearisburg by now. I just hope he isn’t hurt! :bawling But I am just going to have to stop thinking the worst and get a more positive attitude and stop letting my imagination run amok!

As for whether he should or should not call home, I can’t see him totally cutting himself off. That’s part of the reason he needed to do the hike. All he does is think about everyone else (me and our two teens). I don’t see him going cold turkey.

But reading your responses helps me understand what our conversations will be like. I already knew not to tell him about any problems we’re having here. Maybe even saying I miss him is not a good thing (although I was in super-supportive mode when he was getting ready to go and he thought I was just anxious to get him out of the house. :oh) I’m sure it’ll take time for me to find the right balance.

So I’ll just keep working at it! Now, tell me this, though. What if he doesn’t call Thursday. It shouldn’t take him that long to get from Bland to Pearisburg. (He left 10 a.m. Saturday morning.) We didn’t really talk about emergency measures, although I told him he should have some ID in his pockets, as well as in his pack, in case they were separated.

Is there any way to find out if someone on the trail is hurt or not? (So much for working on not thinking the worst!)

Thanks again for the advice!

Graybeard’s Wife, still stressing

Graybeard’s Wife

#6

I have to take exception with the previous posts that interaction with a spouse at home is a bad and “negative” thing. Mrs. Graybeard, ultimately it will all boil down to how well your all’s relationship is and both your personalities and Mr. Graybeard’s reason for walking right now. I don’t think anyone here can tell you how your husband will feel or react…only you and he know that. Your love and his love for you can transcend the differences between the trail life and home life though. And you know what, if someone gets off the A.T. to be with their spouse, that is NOT a bad thing.
I never hiked while married but I’ve done the A.T. twice and knew a lot of hikers that were married. I never saw that much “negative” impact upon them when talking with their spouse/family back home. When you love someone you want to share your experiences with them. Usually they were excited and looked forward to calls home and visits on the trail. The trail lifestyle is different than home life, but your marriage and love existed way before this thru hike and if your marriage is based on love and committment then fear not. I wouldn’t beat yourself up about occassionally being worried or missing him;obviously that just shows you care for him and that is a good thing. I say hats off to you for being so supportive and understanding to let him get out there and walk the trail. You are to be commended.
As far as safety plans, when you do talk you should iron out a plan of action if it were to be that you did not hear from him. I would try and set a date that he can assure you he will call you on at the latest. Things happen on the trail that will change his schedule, but he should be able to give you a reasonable time/day he can contact you next. The thru-hiking community is very active and very aware of where other hikers are located. If something were to happen that you did not hear from Mr. Graybeard when it was expected, you could contact the ATC or the sheriff department for the area you know he will be in and they can start looking and asking thru-hikers they run into.
God is good!

Israel

#7

Hi,

Sent you an email. Hope you got it. Concur Israel’s comments. My marriage has survived years and years and years with many long periods of seperation due to work, etc. It the people are strong and the union is strong, both will survive, grow and be the better for it all.

Bland (I77) to Pearisburg is about 40 miles. The terrain is rough but certainly not the roughest on the AT. The trail also crosses many state routes (hard surface roads) between Bland and Pearisburg. There are several AT shelters between Bland and Pearisburg (Helvey’s Mill Shelter - 2 miles from Bland, Jenny Knob Shelter - 10 miles from Helvey’s Mill Shelter, and Wapiti Shelter - 13 1/2 miles from the Helvey Mill Shelter). Additionally there is an excellent hostel open during the summer months on top of Pearis Mountain at the top of Sugar Run (Ran by Tillie Wood, an 80+ year old lady). So there are plenty of rest stops between Bland and Pearisburg.

The AT may be kicking your husband’s a** really bad. If one is not in tip top hiking and backpacking shape, then blisters can develop real quick and it takes them several days to heal. A beginning out of shape hiker may only be able to struggle to get maybe 5 to 10 miles a day until they get in trail condition, which takes about three weeks, and the getting in shape process is really painful.

Bland County is remote and scarcely populated, and there are not too many cell phone towers in that area as there are in more populated areas. Depending on the cell network his cell phone is on, it may not work at all in this area.

So hope the above info helps you in your search of the trail journals. You can also email hikers south of Bland and have them keep an eye out. Don’t expect a lot of response from these AT hikers on the trail, they get into their own little hiking world and corresponding with people and checking email seldom get done, if at all.

Good luck. :slight_smile:

Maintain

#8

Me again.

Just wanted to say the absolute best thing that you can do for him and yourself (regardless of the situation) is to stay and to be strong.

And when he does contact you, say “I’ve been a little worried, but I know you’re a big guy and can take care of yourself”. The worst thing you can do for him is to go to pieces and let him know it when he calls. Stay busy, stay strong, stay supportive. Good Luck. Keep the faith. :slight_smile:

Maintain

#9

I’m so glad I asked for some advice here because you all have been a great comfort to me. Graybeard and I will have been married 20 years on June 4, so I definitely know that we’ll both survive this separation. And, with God’s grace, we’ll both be stronger for it! I already know that the kids have stepped up to the plate more at home and are accepting more responsibility for keeping their household running. So have I! (Poor Graybeard DID need a break from the old routine of running things at home. He said he was more worried about MY ability to survive his hike than for him to! ):oh I think he knew what he was talking about!

Maintain, thanks for the private e-mail and for the emergency advice. I had miscalculate the distance at 30 miles, so he may have another day or so before he’ll get to Pearisburg. (His schedule put him there on Monday night or Tuesday afternoon, and even though I knew he was a couple days behind that schedule already, I didn’t realize exactly how many miles it was that he would have to cover.)

I am just going to chill out, work some overtime, put the kids’ minds at rest, and wait for him to call. I definitely won’t greet him with: WHY HAVEN’T YOU CALLED SOONER!?!?!.

Tonight my son and I are helping on a work project at church, so that ought to keep us from sitting by the phone. (But I’ll take my cell phone with me, just in case.) :wink:

Thanks again for your support! I think maybe I need to think about writing a book on how the supporting spouse can survive a Thru-Hiker’s adventure. (Or IS there such a book out there already?) I have only read A Walk in the Woods, by Bryson, and skimmed some of his many other books. None seem to say much about how the homebase partner can survive.

Take care! Yes, Israel, God IS good–all the time!

Graybeard’s Wife

Graybeard’s Wife

#10

Well, hubby called this morning from Pearisburg. He sounds exhausted. I think the thru-hike is going to become the first leg of a section hike (with 47 miles down). It sounds like he is going to come away with lots of fond memories and he has discovered some positive things about himself that I was praying he would learn. (I just didn’t think he’d learn them that fast! God is good!)

Thanks again for all the support!

Graybeard’s Relieved Wife

Graybeard’s Wife

#11

I think that you must be having a hard time as Mrs Mongo just spent all her time saying to me “I wish you were here”. The fact that she shared three weeks of the trail with me certainly made a difference to both of us. Firstly she could understand why the trail was just so amazing. Secondly it will give a common experince to share in for the rest of our lives.

Papa Smurf was lucky as the lovely Flame was with him the whole time.

Mongo:D

Mongo