Break-ups - Appalachian Trail

imported
#1

If you were on the trail and your significant other wanted to break things off with you, would you prefer they do it when you were still on the trail or when they got home?

Jorgia

#2

Hmmm, sounds like this isn’t a hypothetical! Anyway, break up as soon as you’ve decided that it is time. To wait is just cruel, and it will manifest itself in phone conversations and/or visits.

Who knows, he might find that a relief, or he might be happy to have to time alone to deal with it. Or he will want to get home to talk with you about it. If possible, try to visit with him when you do it, so he can talk with you. But don’t make that the deciding factor as to when to do it.

Gravity Man

Gravity Man

#3

I hiked with a couple that was on the trail in 2000.They discussed it,then parted company.
As a popular lawman once put it…Nip it,just nip it in the bud.:bawling

Bill Harris

#4

waiting is selfish and dishonset in my opinion. I would be respectful and not flaunt any new relationships, since you still might be walking in a very long line with your ex. But also be ready for the reverse. Already sounds like a soap opera…

Tha Wookie

#5

Perhaps it depends on who is the break-uper and who is the break-upee. I agree if you are on the trail and are SURE about the decision to break up, then let em know now. But if you are at home and are breaking off with one on the trail, it might be better to wait until the trail hike is over for the sake of the one on the trail, unless of course, your intent is to get your pound of flesh and pour salt into open wounds, then by all means do it while they are on the trail, preferably in a tough section.

Cutman11

#6

It depends…if you’re currently hiking together, then perhaps it is best to let things go now. However, if one of you is on the trail and one of you is at home, it is NOT wise in my opinion to break up now. The relationship is under strain, and under normal circumstances would not be so stressful (ie talking to your significant other for 45 minutes net total every month while their hiking partner is some girl he just met.) If you’re in a serious relationship with someone, it is not fair to either of you to break up right not, the best thing to do is wait until you get home.

Avalon

#7

I’m with Cutman, wait until they call you from Crawford Notch in NH. That way they can climb up into the Death Zone in a storm with their heart all slashed. People who break up with hikers while their out is sending a less than subtle message. I can’t control you so I’m leaving.

Blue Jay

#8

I assumed that he was hiking, she wasn’t. Is that right?

Also, that they are relatively young (early 20’s?) and not so serious.

Gravity Man

gravity man

#9

I assumed that he was hiking, she wasn’t. Is that right?

Also, that they are relatively young (early 20’s?) and not so serious?
Gravity Man

gravity man

#10

this crap over to Oprah.

Hoss

#11

this crap over to Oprah.

Hoss

#12

For me, I would rather know now, than wait. Besides, going back is hard enough after finishing the trail, dealing with a new breakup just makes it harder.

The first message wasn’t clear whether it was about an on-trail couple or a one off-trail, one on-trail couple. I really think it doesn’t make much difference. In both cases, the partner needs to know, sooner rather than later… For an off trail partner, the breakup should be in person, not on the phone. Let the other have their say. It is hard.

I’ve seen a lot of couples break up during and after thruhikes. It seems that if there are serious cracks in the relationship, they show up more clearly on a thruhike. Sometimes it’s that there is time to think, when a couple is separated. Sometimes it’s that an abused partner learns that “I deserve better.” Sometimes it’s a basic lack of understanding of what the other person is going through - on both sides. The non-hiking partner may not understand why their partner had to go live his/her dream, the hiking partner may not understand the resentment felt by the person holding down the fort, dealing with bills, kids, jobs, etc. all alone when they thought they were supposed to have a partner to help them with all that. That lack of understanding can lead to a wide chasm, and a lot of anger on both sies. (I’ve known hikers who went home and their spouse refused to listen to any stories about the trail or look at photos. It was as if the six months was utterly meaningless and should be forgotten as soon as possible. Right!) While thruhiking it seems that a lot of the emotional walls that we build up during our ordinary lives don’t last long on the trail. That can feel awfully good. Then you go back to your partner and have to put the walls back up again. Sometimes you decide you’d rather live without them. With couples hiking together, sometimes it’s more time together than they’ve ever had before and they realize, “I really don’t like this person.” I’ve heard of newlyweds who discovered they had some serious issues that had never come up while they were dating. They had the choice of dealing with them on the trail, or splitting up. I’ve seen it go both ways.

Ginny

#13

Relationship - Trail Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. After 2 seconds of thought, TRAIL!!!:lol

Relationship vs. Trail

#14

A relationship recently ended for me in part because of the strain that she was at the point in her life where she wanted a to “settle down” (marriage, children, home, etc.). Me? Not quite ready for a family and mortgage at this point in my life. . Most telling line from her was “I think the outdoors is more of lifestyle than a hobby for you”. Yep.

It can be tough, as Ginny pointed out, when one person in a relation does not (or sometimes will not) share some of the same passion as you do. Does not neccessarily mean they have to hike with you, but at least understand why you are hiking.

Not always possible in some relationships, and understandable. Not fair to ethier person in a relationship if someone is not comfortable with the idea of a) not hiking
b) having their S.O. away when they want to do other things in life that involved having the S.O. around

Yep…relationships are interesting.

Mags

#15

end it as quickly and efficiently as possible. like maybe one morning say “peace, chump.”

no, really i havent waded through the heartfelt stuff above, but i say walk on. end it. walk. dont get off the trail and dont get messed up in day long sloppy crap. a two hour conversation should suffice. it will hurt, but there is no better time to break up then the trail, you can walk it off and you got mad good company that makes it easy to redifine yourself as an idividual.

i just read what blue jay said. true that.

milo

#16

i get the feeling that the post is from the dumper, sitting at home while the other is the hiker.

if thats the case, dump him/her now. he/she wont care nearly as much as you may think. when he/she gets home, thats when they might want you in thier life (horny).

milo

#17

I will never understand why some people always assume the worst and take the “attack” road.

Yes, some of you are right, I am at home while my significat other is out hiking. Also correct is what someone else said, I have had time to think without him here and I am leaning towards being happier with him gone. As bad as that might sound to some of you, that is life.

I am concerened, however, for him because I do not want to ruin his hike … which I know has been his dream forever. but I also feel guilty for having these feelings, like I am deceiving him.

Some of you may think this is a soap opera and if so then don’t read the damn post. The reason why I brought it up here is because I know that thru hikers are in a total different mind set than someone like me sitting at home, doing the daily work grind and dealing with things like the bills and such.

I wanted other people’s feedback…is this something normal that other couples have gone thru? If it were you on the trail, which would you prefer?

I appreciate everyone’s responses so thanks to all who have replied!! Still unsure of what do do tho :frowning:

Jorgia

#18

Don’t worry he’ll find some hottie on the trail and bang her in his sleepingbag. Sweetie you have to much ego for your own good.

tiltop

#19

I am sorry that you have so much repressed agression for the opposite sex. that is the only reason I can think of as to why you would take the defensive on something that has nothing to do with you. since you have nothing constructive to say, I will just disregard your ignorant response.

Jorgia

#20

Haven’t been here for awhile, but good topic, so here goes.

  1. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but only to an extent.

  2. Don’t burn any bridge until you are definitely off of the bridge and also don’t do it if you think you might want to cross it again or stand on it awhile.

  3. I prefer not to have someone chained to me or me to them. In other words, I let my mate do her thing and I do mine-----giving each other a certain amount of freedom allows us our space and shows each of us that we respect the other enough to do so.

  4. You have it good, you are allowed freedom to think, to do, etc-----would you rather have a man dominate you completely, never give you any space, any time, any money, any freedom?

  5. Do not jump from the frying pan into the fire or into a pot of boiling water.

Hope all this helps…Write down positives and negatives. Write down what could be better and what could be worse. Do not mess us a good thing, which you might have. If it’s bad or really not good, then move on. Carpe Diem.

See you out there.:cheers

Maintain