Convince your partner to thruhike?

imported
#1

Ok, there have been some posts recently on leaving your loved ones behind to go hike, and some responses like “just go with the hiker”.

Which is great.

But, what if, even if your loved one loves hiking, they feel pressure to stay in the “grown-up” world of a bill and a steady paycheck?

If my significant other here had his way, I’d wait for him to hike until we are both retired (umm, background, I’m 24, retirement is light-years away). He is supportive of me going alone, and he has also expressed interest in hiking the AT in the near future, BUT still the draw of the corporate world is too much. I respect his career goals, but I don’t necessarily share them.

So, I’m curious - has anyone had any success in convincing a loved one to hike with them? Did the hike work out, or did one end up resenting the other?

How about the case where a thruhike was the dream of both partners?

nunyet

nunyet

#2

A couple wanted to wait till they retired to thru hike. Well they retired had all the money for retirement. Husband got sick real sick she stayed home to take care of him. He passed away she never thru hiked
So what ever you can do now in life do it tomorrow might not be their

john

#3

Every thru-hike involves some really miserable days of injury, rain, bugs, poison ivy, muck, and the silent morale killer, calorie deficit. If it were his dream, he could tough that stuff out. But if it were only your dream… would he really stay on the trail? I doubt there’s any argument you could make that would be that powerful. At a minimum, you’d have to have a plan for what happened if one of you ditched.

As a compromise, you could ask if he’d hike a few sections with you-- the first 30 miles, the Smokies, the Whites, or southern Maine. This would require only vacation time, not quitting his job-- and you say he likes hiking, right? If he falls in love with the trail, great. If not, the two of you at least get some shared experiences while both pursuing your dreams.

For many long-distance hikers, the AT is only the beginning. So DON’T think that if you go and he doesn’t then that’s it… unique opportunity lost.

My fiancee planned to hike the first 2 weeks of the AT with me. Buuut… she was having a great time and ended up making hasty arrangments and staying 5 weeks. She joined me later when she could. After a few positive experiences (and despite some others), she’s started to really enjoy long-distance hiking. PCT '05!

Oh, one other idea: haul his butt through the John Muir Trail. That’s short enough to not be wholly incompatible with keeping a job.

And that’ll get him. :slight_smile:

Eric

#4

My girlfriend and I dream of thru-hiking together but both have experienced the cycle of:
quit shitty job-hike-save at shitty job-quit shitty job-hike again-shitty job-quit shitty job.

Hiking for us starts to lose its appeal if you dont have a meaningful way of life to come back to. Also, even though we love to hike together, for long hikes are paces and styles of hiking are very different. We still dream of hiking together but also value the benefits of either of us hiking alone for long distances. Hiking alone and separate brings strength, gratuity, and vitality to our relationship.
It gives us time to work on things alone and brings space to our relationship.

Dan

#5

I forgot to add that ideally, I would have a meaningful careern that would allow have 4 months off to hike alone sometimes and sometimes with my lover. And I could look forward to going back to the job in the fall without looking forward to humiliating interviews for low paying jobs. Right now I have chosen a career over suck-ass jobs and hiking. But again, it is not either-or, it can be both, we just have to be innovatiev. Unfortunately there are few careers that offer that flexibility, unless you want to be a teacher. I am still working on that one, if anyone has any suggesions, I am interested.

Dan

#6

If your husband is career focused, he probably isn’t ready for the uncertainty of thruhiking. Some of us hike at natural transition points in our lives (after college, retirement, leaving the military), but most of us who quit our jobs to go hike do it because the life we are leaving behind isn’t the life we really want. Maybe we are bored with our jobs, or burned out, or other things in our life are making us unhappy (marriage, family issues, etc.) so quitting and starting over again is pretty easy. But someone who is happy in their career/job has no real reason to quit and go hike, besides the love of hiking – and that can be satisfied on weekend outings.

If your husband is happy with his job and his lifestyle and is willing to support you while you go pursue your dream, then I think you should go do it. As others have said, he can join you for sections. What I worry about is couples where the one who stays home resents being the responsible one and dealing with all the problems alone. After you share your experiences, your husband may change his mind and decide to join you for another long hike, but in the meantime, if he is really happy with his job, why fight it? But if you really want to thruhike and don’t want to wait 40 years for an opportunity to do it together, then you should go as soon as you have worked out the finances and logistics.

Spirit Walker

#7

My wife Sassafras and her sister Flying Cricket planned there last years thruhike (03) for three years prior to there start date. I planned to stay home and take care of house and things. The hike was her dream not mine, I was content with the city life.
At the half way mark (HF)Cricket had to head home,leave us with problem of Sass staying or coming home. With my job being as it is and slow in the summer time i was able to join her help with her dream.
After 30+ years marriage it could have not come at a better time in our lifes. The hike had it’s up and downs (no pun intended)the weather was good, the views were great,and the togetherness was priceless. By far the best I have done in my adult life. We now talk and plan of other long distance hike we would like to do.
So i guess the answer to the question as far as i’m concerned, the dream may not be that of both, but both can share.

bump

#8

My husband stayed home in the corporate world. He was my ground support. He was my emergency “ATM Man”. He came and visited me periodically along the trail every 6-10 weeks.

He knew it was something I needed NOW. We may do it together SOMEDAY but that will be another adventure. I loved my solo hike! Sue/HH:girl

Hammock Hanger

#9

Just do it. Its only 6 months. If someone doesnt realy want to go and doesent have the passion for the hike. They will have a tough time. If you have the blessing of your spouse, all thats left is to say good bye. I saw people whose spouses visited from time to time along the trail and I also saw couples who hiked the whole trail together and made it and then got married after. ( Poor suckers) I left my wife at home and wouldnt have had it any other way.:cheers

Virginian

#10

Unless you’re both comletely up for it, you may run in to difficulties during the hike. It’s not really a half hearted adventure, a thru hike or hike of any length. The pressure of a thru hike can be immense, just take a look at the ATC continuous map, it’s enough to send shivers up even the hardiest of hikers. If you get him out on the trail, I’d suggest planning only one week at a time, take the edge off the big picture, don’t even think about Maine. My hiking buddy didn’t even look at that map until Vermont. When people asked us where we were headed he’d alwasy reply “As far as the heart, mind and legs are willing”, I thought that was a great trail philosophy. When I met Pipesmoke (an older gentlemen) in the Smokies his goal was to complete the next 20 yards, if that worked out then the next 20 after that. I saw him again when I hiked the hundred mile wilderness. It’s important to begin with the right attitude, it’ll help in the long run. Good luck with you planning and preperation!

Cheers

Cheers