Hey all:
My wife of 30 years and I are considering an 2004 thru-hike attempt. We have walked together for many years but just on day hikes. What issues have you guys encountered on thru-hikes as couples that you didn’t expect? Any suggestions would be great.
Randy Brown
Randy Brown
Randy, I don’t have any personal experience, but Jim Owen has written some very thoughtful observations about couples and the trail. http://trailwise.circumtech.com/thruhikingpapers/part7
Sharon Griffin
Randy, I just posted a reply but it is not showing up. You might check out Jim Owen’s observations on couples and the trail. http://trailwise.circumtech.com/thruhikingpapers/part7
There are also some online journals of older couples who have done the trail together that might interest you. I think how you will do on the hike together depends a great deal on how you do together now! 
Sharon Griffin
My fiance and I are planning a thru-hike in 2004 as well for a belated honeymoon.
Remember there is strength in numbers.
There is a couple who post here quite a bit named Bushwack and Bramble. Check out their journals by doing a journal search of “rudolf”
You can usually find Bushwhack on trailchat after 8pm most nights.
Best of luck
svgklingon
my girlfriend and I are training for an 04 thru attempt of the A.T. as well. Looks like 04 is going to be the year for couples! I have had some of the same concerns also but our hike is higher on our priorities list than our “couplehood”
We train as friends…we hike as friends…at HOME we are romantic and it stays there. It works for us! So far (year & 1/2) it’s not only worked but it’s made our romantic lives healthier!
Mike Drinkuth
Sharon & svgklingon:
Thanks for your replies. I will check out the sources you mentioned. If anyone else out there has info feel free to chime in.
Randy
Randy Brown
Flame and I thru -hiked in '02 and hiked with 3 other couples at different times. It is different for everybody. But one thing in common is you have to adjust your speed everyday to accommodat each other. One day I would have a good day and then she would have a good day. Read our journal on this site. Also read, Bushwacks and Brambles, Commer and Jean. They were a lot of help for us. Good luck on your hike. Ask some specific questions.
Papa Smurf
Thankyou thankyou. Couples; in '01 we hiked, www.trailjournals.com/rudolf, with three married couples! Us, Okie and Trapper from Maine newly married and The Twin Schwinns, Dustin and Kathleen. As above hiking in tandum has its ups and downs. Speed is a problem when you don’t hike at the same pace or one of you is injured or sick. Its hard for the faster on to slow down. I had troule when Bramble was sick from iodine and her foot was bruised. I’m also eight inches taller so my stride is longer. I like to hike behind her but end up running her over so she gets hot and just steps aside. Also, as a couple married or not, on the trail you’ll spend more time together than any other time in your lives. After a few months a piece of food in your teeth will set you off. Just rememeber why you are there and why you’re hiking. We had a snit over a feather n our mascot one day and I ended up pissed and doing a twenty-six mile day by myself and slept under a bridge. After two beers and a really weird journal entry I was fine the next day. You MUST work together. We made it easier but doing the same chores we do at home; I cook and fix things, Bramble makes up the beds(blows up the tent) and washes the clothes and does the financial stuff. If you’re already in step at home the AT will be easy. You both learn together or screw up together. Just don’t nitpick.
Bushwhack and Bramble
My wife, Ladybug, and I hike to the Troutville in 2001 before getting off the trail due to our wedding plan. We got engaged just on the trail on my wife birthday. I must say it was a great experience. We had some disagreements but we worked out the hiking situation. I ended up hiking behind my wife so she could set the pace. I have a tendency to walk to fast and leave her behind. You real have to talk with each other and know how your parent feels physical and emotionally about the trail. The hardest thing to face is when one partner wants to leave the trail and the other wants to keep going. I thought I was going to lose Ladybug a few times when she had a bad time coming into a town and talked about leaving the trail. I ended up leave with her in Troutville, Va. I wanted to keep going but she missed her family and had sever foot pain. It was the right thing to do for our relationship but it wasn’t easy at the time. I had thru-hike south bound in '99 and knew what to expect. Good luck to all the couples planning hikes.
Darth Pacman
My wife and I always hiked together on our thru-hike in '02 - and had the time of our lives. I would typically walk behind her since my pace is somewhat faster than hers (on a normal day). I agree with P. Smurf that paces are one of the toughest things to compromise on. Sometimes one of us would want to go and the other would want a zero day. Do you know the other persons flaws well - can you deal with them? You will be around this person 24-7 for a long time. It is important to know the conflicts that can arise but also remember the bonuses of a partner; when your partner isn’t having a good day you can help them out by getting water and doing other chores for them. Hopefully they will return the favor when you are feeling slow. Best wishes to all of you future thru-hikers.
Presto
My wife Sisu and I thru-hiked the AT in 2000. We fought on the trail more than any time in our marriage. Sisu is a very cautious and conscientious person. In real life this posed no problem, but all the uncertainties of the trail ate at her resolve. And my devil may care attitude did not help. We had a few big blow outs, but emerged from the experience stronger for having gone through it. Every couple has unresolvable differences. On a thru-hike they tend to be brought to the fore, so you have to be able to deal with that.
raru – greg locascio
One thing we learned from past journals was to start slow!! We had hiked GA before and averaged 12 miles a day. We battled half the trip. When we did our thru-hike we averaged 6 miles a day in GA and had a great time. When we did pick up our miles we had settled into our individual routines and it was a great hike. Give yourself time to adjust to a daily routine. As Bushwack said, do the same chores you do at home. Don’t try to re-order your life just for this trip. It was the greatest time in our marriage. We are closer now than we have ever been. Just take your time and enjoy your hike. You will have to compromise on what time you leave camp, when you stop for breaks, when do you make camp, how many miles do we do today, what are we going to eat, do we stay in town, do we hike, do we take a zero, and the list goes on. One thing that all the “male” component of the couples complained about (and joked about…you had to!)is: There is no SEX on the TRAIL!!! Enjoy your hike.
Papa Smurf
Thanks for the observations Papa Smurf. I had read part of your journal and noticed your milage in Ga. It is less than I had planned. I wanted to keep it under 10 miles for the first 100. We won’t be starting until late (may 1st) for business reasons and would like to finish on Kadatdin but will flip-flop if necessary. What kind of mileage did you make in the middle (Virginia) miles? I think in order to get to Maine by Oct 15 we need to average just under 14 miles. That seems steep to me. We do intend to go as lite as possible.
Randy Brown
Randy Brown
It’s like having a partner but you can’t go your seperate ways when you decide to change your pace or get of the trail. Remember your part of the team and all your decisions need to be made as a couple. It’s a real test for the strenght of your relationship but gives you an awesome amount of time with your spouse away from all the distraction of ‘normal Life’. You’ll also go all the cool places together and be able share the experiences with each other. Just talk about some of these things before you get started. I agree you should start slow until your both ready to pick up the pace.
Darth Pacman
BA Turtle and I have hiked together for years now. There’s no one …and I mean NO ONE I’d rather hike with on any trail. On the AT in 2001 we started out tenting separately and then up in Maine we tented together. Your experience may vary but for us, tenting separately works best. That way you only have to keep track of your own stuff at night and in the morning. You’d be amazed how cluttered and disorganised it can get when there are two people in the same tent …even if you’re totally compatible - and we are VERY COMPATIBLE!! BA Turtle is meeting me this year in Damascus to hike along for a month and we are definitely going to tent separately.
Footslogger
We’ve been married almost 20 years and just beginning to talk about long hikes together…so my question is for the couples who have thru-hiked and come out the other side still happy together. Would you say the experiences have made you more dependent on each other or unusually “attached” to your partner than BEFORE your hiking experiences? They say it changes everyone so as a couple you must have long-term changes AFTER this shared experience as well, right?
AquaAllie
AquaAllie:
EXACTLY, what I was trying to ask. I’m afraid I didn’t do it very well. Thanks for re-phrasing it. Great answers so far. I’d love to hear everyone’s opinion.
Randy
Randy Brown
First the question about miles. We averaged 21 miles a day through the SNF in VA. 107 miles in 5 days. We averaged 17.5 through PA. We averaged 15 miles a day from Hanover,VT to Katahdin. In the 100 mile wilderness we averaged about 17 miles a day. The Whites in NH we did about 15 miles a day. If you take out zero days, we averaged about 14.7 miles. My wife and I now have trouble staying apart more than a day. We work together, so we are together most of the day anyway. But if I have to travel, we make a considerable number of phone calls. And we have grandkids we’re not young folks. It was a wonderful experience for us. It also teaches you patience in your relationship and you stop sweating the small stuff. We did. Things just don’t look a large an obstacle as they once did, not after some of the climbing we had to do in the Whites or walking in pain for 500 miles. It will give you a different perspective on what is important and what is not. If you can live for 6 months out of a 40 lb pack, why do we need all of this stuff? The answer now is we don’t. We only need the basics, and each other. Go and experience the trail.
Papa Smurf
Thru-hiking with Sisu caused me to see a new, stronger side of my wife that I’d never noticed before. As I said in a presentation we gave about the AT, her accomplishment was greater than mine because she had to conquer more fears and deal with more mental stuff than I. To me, the thru-hike was this wonderful vacation and I never had a moment of doubt and few physical difficulties. She had to deal with all the mental difficulties of conquering her fear of heights and steep downhills along with more physical problems like blisters, muscle aches, and, ahem, the monthly visitor (which is a difficult thing to contend with on the trail). Post trail, we do a lot more together and are much better work mates. And I have a deeper and profounder respect for her strength of will and character.
raru
I agree that my yhusband and I are more “attached” than we would have been without the hike. Spending time together is something we really enjoy, and we find we really miss each other when we are apart, which doesn’t happen often.
A couple of thoughts - you don’t have to spend all day together while you are hiking, especially if your paces are very different. One solution is to have the slower person start out before the other. Then you meet up a few times during the day and at the end of the day. Save up stories and observations to share when you meet. It can make you more observant. Just be sure that you are both prepared to spend the night alone, if necessary (i.e. you each have food, water and sleeping bags.) It can be very frustrating on both sides to hike together if your paces are very different. The slow one feels pushed to hurry - which can make you very unhappy - while the fast one can’t help but be impatient at the slow pace, not to mention that it can be physically difficult to walk really slowly. I am lucky in that Jim and I have a similar pace. I’m faster on uphills, he’s faster downhill, but it averages out.
Second, remember why you are out there - and that the idea is to get both of you to Katahdin. Pushing too hard, too early, is a good way to get injured.
Third - Flexibility is everything, especially for couples. One day one of you will feel tired or hurt and will want to slow down for the day. Another day one of you may feel like flying up the trail, pushing the miles. You have to be willing to talk things over and decide what is best for the ‘team’ - not just the individual who has the mood. Even starting in May, there is plenty of time to hike the AT, but how much food you are carrying, how much money you have in reserve, how willing you are to stretch yourselves, etc. will determine your actual pace.
I’ve been lucky, usually when one of us needs to take it easy, the other is immediately willing, either because they are also tired or because they care more about the well being of the partner than anything else. And when one feels like pushing the miles, the other usually goes along. I’m also very lucky that we really like each other (as well as love each other). We enjoy spending time with each other, we respect each other’s abilities, and we don’t get upset at the other’s disabilities. Like Sisu, I have to deal with a strong fear of falling – my husband has never made me feel like a coward because of it. As he says, “courage is not the absence of fear, but doing things despite the fear.” He applauds my successes and gives me hugs when the fear is overwhelming. So far, I’ve always done what needed to be done and I very much appreciate his encouragement. Other times, I have encouraged him or taken care of him when he was hurting with one injury or another.
One thing, I don’t agree with the idea of continuing chores as you do them at home. A lot of it doesn’t translate well on the trail, and I for one do not appreciate always being the one to cook at the end of a long day. Camp chores should be shared and both of you should be able to do anything that needs to be done Somedays I go for water, some days he does. Some days I put up the tent, some days he does. We both share the planning and navigation. I do primary planning for meals, but we both can cook Liptons. If I’ve had a hard day, I expect his help – and vice versa.
Spiritwalker