Family support - Appalachian Trail

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#1

I’m planning on a thru-hike in 2008. It is just within the past 5 years that I have re-discovered my love of backpacking. I should have warned my husband 18 years ago when we married about my wandering soul, but it didn’t occur to me that it would re-surface. I’m having a difficult time trying to get my family, as is husband, sons, daughters, and especially the grandchildren supporting my hike.
Has anyone had experience in convincing loved ones that this is a safe endevor? How do I get them to understand that I’m not being selfish?

Zeke

#2

Zeke,
Just have them start reading some of the Trail journals and they will more then likly want to go with you! As far as being Safe, There are many many Hikers who be be out there at the same time, and they all look after each other, there would be more danger jusy crossing a city street.

Patriot

#3

Keep a trail journal yourself. I have a lot of friends and family who didn’t understand why I would want to hike for 6 months. When they read about all the adventure and people involved, it certainly helped.

Hydro

#4

Just read the journals of Chubby Knuckles and know how proud we are as family to have one of our own live their dream.

Hid Dad

Happy

#5

This is one of the most difficult aspects of hiking the trail. Most people don’t get it unless they are hikers themselves. Husbands just don’t like their wives going off for six months. Try to plan get togethers at least once a month or so. Mine wanted to support my hike, planned on supporting me, but it was just too hard for him alone. I have resolved myself to sections. My kids (grown) were proud of me, but surprised at my determination. Best wishes, sorry I can’t really offer any solid advice, since I don’t have it figured out yet myself. Red Hat

Red Hat

#6

If it is your dream, then follow it. Your husband should support your dreams and desires in life as you support his.

Having said that, section in the meantime, maybe even bring along a kid or grandkid to show them. make sure this is what you want to do, as it is both physically and mentally demanding. No amount of reading or dreaming can prepare you for this part. As for safety, I cannot remember reading a stat anywhere saying it is more dangerous for an older female vs. a younger one, if anything, I would think people more willing to help you, especially in the friendly south and middle part.

best to you for keeping your soul moving,

-xtn :boy

airferret

#7

Zeke:Go with your dream! I’am sure you can work something out with your husband.Don’t know if Bedrock Bob is pulling your leg or not, butI thought that kind of thinking went out long ago.Maybe he is a member of the religious right who think women are property to control.Good luck,go with your heart and don’t let other try to control your life.
:boy :pimp :mad

old&in the way

#8

Although in the beginning my husband was wary and unsupportive of my wandering around in the wild for 6 months, he grew more and more supportive of my hike as time went by. He realized that hiking the AT was a long-time dream of mine, and he didn’t want to hold me back.

I called him everytime I stopped into a town to let him know where I was, what thru-hikers I had recently met, what I had seen along the way, and to let him know I hadn’t left him for some other smelly thru-hiker. He may not have hiked with me, but our conversations made him feel as if he were with me every step of the way.

He visited with me at Trail Days where I took him to Mount Rodgers so he could pet the wild ponies, he drove me up to Maine when I decided to flip-flop and hiked up Katahdin with me, and he also drove up to White River Junction, VT so we could be together for our wedding anniversary. All of these experiences we shared have only enriched our lives, which is just what your hiking the AT will do for you, and your family.

Good Luck!

Almost There

#9

People who are unfamiliar with the AT imagine that you are going off into the unreachable wilds FOR SIX MONTHS! They’re also bumping smack dab into their own fears. They have no idea how accessible contact is, or the fact that you’re in a town every couple of days except for a very few stretches. Numbers of thruhikers get off the trail briefly to attend funerals/weddings/graduations, heal injuries, whatever.

Not the same situation, but - That’s the image my brother had when I set off in '03; my father was very old, and he feared being unable to reach me for months at a time. He also has a very male protective instinct, which I cherish him for. Our family is close. I’m his only remaining sibling and family member to boot. I respected his fears, but I didn’t let them dictate my outcome.

I cc’ed my brother on every journal entry, so he always knew where I was. He had the ATC number and instructions to call if he needed me and tell them where I was, and they would get word to me quickly (you have no idea how quickly someone can be pinned down in an emergency). I called home and spoke to dad every town. My brother’s friends got wind of my trail journal and started reading it and were telling him daily how cool it was. I got off the trail in Vermont to attend his wedding. He came around, and to this day remains proud of his OLDER sister.

If you have a sound marriage, and good communications, and are at a natural transition point in life, you can make this work. Lots of married people hike the trail each year. As for temptation, unless you’ve done a long hike you have no idea how exhausted us OLDER people are at the end of the day.

Your best bet is to get hub to a Gathering. Very much of a family atmosphere, and he’ll catch the buzz with the slide show and the conversations and inclusiveness. I would NOT suggest Trail Days as a first event!
:wink:

Bedrock Bob is trolling, no need to bite, eh?

Jan LiteShoe

#10

I hiked last year on the AT and it did definately put a strain on the marriage. I didn’t have the support I needed and thus had a lot of emotional things to think about and felt guilty for hiking and wondering what it would do to my family. But I trudged on and because of the physical and emotional strain did not get to finish. But I am determined I WILL go back out there after getting my body back to shape and do it again which will only sseparate us again but I told them if they had supported me in the first place as they should then I would not have to do it again. Go fot it… But remember it will take it’s toll.

shuffle

#11

I’m curious Bob; does your archaic chauvinistic attitude extend to single females as well? Are single women the property of their fathers until sold to their husbands thereby preventing them from ever hiking the AT?

Madriver

#12

Zeke,
My advise to you is make your plans, share them with the family, they may not show any interest, and go. It may take a while before what you have comitted to sets in. Than they will begin to show interest and be very proud of what you are doing.
I am a guy and that may make some difference but I faced the same situation when I thru-hiked in “01”. After a while they came around and were all proud of what I was doing.
I was somewhat surprised at the amount of woman, I met in “01”, who left a family at home and attempted a thru-hike. Go for it.

Grampie

#13

Your asking for opinion on thru-hiker with a forum that is obviously not going to give you a unbiased point of view.

Ask this question in a non-hiking forum and see what they have to say. An unbiased point of view when it comes to the AT. I would value those opinions over the ones in here when it comes to that question.

H21

#14

But she didn’t ask in a non-hiking forum, did she? She clearly wanted to speak to people who had done the AT, to get tips and facts. A non-hiking forum is not going to be able to inform about contact, availability, safety, and other AT-related matters. Unless a person has spent stretches of time and distance on the trail, there is no way to understand the environment; istead, one is left with one’s imaginations and projections.

Take care not to let personal fears, judgements and filters cloud the questions she asked.

Jan LiteShoe

#15

You know what… I think you should take your husband WITH you! That is what I am going to do the next time I thru-hike.
I met numerous older married men on the trail without their wives, but I don’t recall ever meeting a married female who was hiking alone. The men made it work by hiking hard to get to a town and making a ton of phone calls. They also had some visits from their wives while on the trail. Obviously there would have to be a lot of trust in the relationship, but if you have been married long enough for grandkids, I would hope that that wouldn’t be an issue.
Good luck!

windex

#16

This is a real problem, and I don’t think it has an easy solution. Spouses don’t all seem to react the same. Some hikers report incredibly supportive spouses, but shuffle has obviously had some issues. The journals here show a broad range of family responses – see Bearkat’s journal from a couple of years ago, for example.

I’ve been married 30 years and my wife is ambivalent towards my long-distance hiking. She was very unhappy when I took off to hike the AT last year, but on the other hand, she bought me a very funny moose doll in Rangeley this summer. They know trail culture in Rangeley, and this moose is scrawny, is wearing shorts, has a scraggly beard – clearly a thru-hiker! So she’s at least somewhat reconciled to my quirks.

I’ve tried to deal with the situation by indulging one of her passions and letting her breed cats. We’ve got 10 cats running around our house, and believe me, I’ve got mixed emotions about that.

Good luck with your family situation. If you’re like me and everyone else on this forum, you’ll wind up hiking one way or another.

P.S. I’m sure it goes without saying that your gender is irrelevant, except perhaps as safety issues go.

Bob McCaw

#17

Just wanted to say that even though the trail took its toll, we are still together now and even stronger than before. Both have realized that we have to support each other no matter what and he is even going to hike with me some the next time around.

shuffle

#18

I agree with Bob, you will have to pay the piper one way or another, but when all is said and done, you’ll survive. Do you have your heart set on a thru-hike, or are you open to other options, like say section hiking. Here’s a thought, perhaps you could try doing some AT section hiking between now and 2008, just so your family can get used to your being away for awhile. Maybe if you can do that, you’re family just might be more receptive of your AT thru-hike.

Almost There

#19

Of course people on Trail Forums will tell you to go for it. There’s a strong bias in that direction. Try asking the same question on a more family oriented site and see what answers you get, like www.hikingdestroysmarriages.org

Frazer Fir

#20

Bob is the epitome of adversarial-against-nature/walk-in-fear attitude that characterizes the NOLS attitude and such institutional/instutionalized groups. They know nothing except fear and teaching to fear. Never mind them.

Hike your hike, live your dream! From nothing comes nothing.

Brian