My boyfriend is hiking the trail and he acts very distant from me …does not let me in on anything he does on the trail…REALLY DOES NOT WANT TO SHARE…i just don’t feel like i know who he is anymore…i am trying to be understanding but it is difficult…could someone give me some advice…also i will be there for the end of traildays on sunday…is there any events going on sund,
V
V it doesn’t so much change you as it I think makes you more introverted while you’re out there. The only people who you aren’t introverted with are the people also out on the trail. It’s hard to explain unless you’re out there, but I know as a section hiker that my wife always says there is something different about me when she picks me up after only a week or two away. Priorities change on the trail and the trivial stuff that we make so important in our normal everyday lives becomes irritating. For example, to me everything about the entertainment industry or media has always been annoying, now I find it downright ridiculous and unimportant. I can only imagine how such things compound for those out for literal months. Give him some space and enjoy the time when you see him. Everyone goes through a readjustment period. My advice is to read some wrapups from past thruhike journals. Some people explain the sense of detachment that one gets on the trail and the period they needed to readjust to life back in crazy society. Hope this helps. Believe me the feeling of being distant probably has nothing to do with you, and he probably doesn’t even realize he’s making you feel this way.
Almost There
it’s true that while you’re hiking it’s difficult to explain just what’s going on with people back in the “real world”–even those closest to you. but if he’s not even trying, could it be he’s just not that into you? i hope not…
hephzibah
(Watch me screw this up) Having had similar problems WHILE on the trail with a certain companion, as Heph said it can’t be explained unless you know what it’s like to be hiking. You sort of take a big brain dump of everything and everyone. However he should still not be real with you.
That said; man=potatoe((yes, I know))…we’re attracked to shiny things, remember? Ever try to have a conversation with a guy while he’s talking about cars? Talk to the beer. I’m not sure your prob is all that big. Try sending him something man friendly to a mail drop and see what happens.
Bushwhack
He lives in a very different world which you can’t understand, not having been there. It’s kinda like war veterans - you can hear stories, but unless you’ve lived it, you don’t know. His world is very intense, very dense, and very far removed from your world right now. What is important to you has no relevance to him right now; if it doesn’t involve food, water, keeping warm and dry, and getting him up the trail, it really isn’t important. Yes, it’s hard on those back home. But you probably do it a bit too. You are focused on job and family and the many details of your life - all far removed from the wet sweaty world of the trail. They are very different worlds. I remember a hiking partner calling home and talking on the phone for half an hour or so. When he came back I asked, “So, what’s new?” And he answered that he had no idea, he forgot to ask. It all seemed so irrelevant to him. (And yes, the marriage had problems, even before he hiked.)
Going to see him while he is on the trail may help. You will see a little bit of his world (though Trail Days is not very representative of trail life) and you will meet his hiking buddies, so when he talks about Bigfoot or Hobbling Mule, you’ll at least know his references, so he may open up a bit. If you can hike with him for a week or two, you may get a better understanding and he may be more willing to share more.
When he gets home, he will still be full of trail stories, for weeks, months, even years, it will be a priority in his thoughts. Again, this can be hard on those back home who tend to say, Okay, that was nice, now let’s get on with our real life. For a lot of thruhikers, the AT is not just a vacation - it is a lot more than that, and is not easily gotten over. For some of us, it becomes a lifestyle. Can you handle that, if it happens?
Another possibility is that he is not happy on the trail and, being male, doesn’t want to talk about it until he has made up his mind whether he will stay or go.
There are other possibilities. See what happens when you see him, he may have his own explanation. But don’t be surprised if he is so involved with his trail world and his trail friends that he doesn’t pay as much attention to you as you would like. The trail is an all consuming passion right now – if it isn’t, he won’t make it to Katahdin. Support him as much as you can, be open to listening to his stories, and don’t expect him to be as interested in yours as he used to be. It just isn’t possible right now.
Ginny
:boy Thats some good advise Ginny. I have been off the trail for a little more than a year now and I can’t wait to go back. The real world is trying to put a veil over everyone’s eyes and tries to hide the true meaning of life. Right now your boyfriend is on a quest and hearing you talk about the “real world” is a test to see if he can keep up the pace. If you really want him to open up maybe you can get him to write a journal or letter about his everyday travels through paradise. I find it is easy to connect with people through song or poem. So, tell him to write it down because it is hard to capture so much and relay it in the little time that he can find to talk on the phone. Hope everything works out.
Mountain Goat
Before I hiked the AT or the PCT I didn’t like Thai or Indian food. But now I do. A lot.
Ganj
I have a BF out there this year too. I was unable to finacially swing a thru-hike this year so I opted to meet up a couple times to hike with him and a couple times just to spend a zero day or two with him. I know 6 months is a long time to be away from someone and because I truely wanted to be out there with him this year it was a hard thing for me to grasp at first. I felt I would be kept in the dark also and that it was going to be all his adventure, I felt I would be out of his loop of new found friendships, and wouldn’t fit in with the thru-hiking community even though I have been involved with hikers for many many years and have been a big part of the community already. Now that he has been out there for two months I am getting used to his absence, I contiue to be as supportive as I can of him and what he is doing by helping him with his gear changes, maildrops, journals and uploading photos while still having a life here at home. I have some idea of where he is on the trail yet I do not sit home waiting for him to call when he gets into towns. I love hearing from him, but if I miss his call he leaves a message and we get in touch later that evening or the next morning. I don’t ask him too many questions I just let him share what he wants to share with me. I had a life of my own before him, as well as when I’m with him and when he is away my life still goes on. I continue to keep myself busy in his absence by hiking with others in my area, running, biking, golfing, attending meetings for my work, walking, working, motorcycle riding, spending time with friends and family and so on. Try to find something that makes you happy and that you enjoy doing. There are alot of groups out there and they are very welcoming to new members. Life doesn’t end just because someone is not there to entertain you. Happiness comes from within and maybe he doesn’t want to share his for fear that it will make you feel bad that he’s having a great time out there and you are having a more difficult one without him back home. It is certainly hard to be away from someone, but he will be back. Good luck to you and be happy. Jewels
Jewels