Missing - Appalachian Trail

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#1

I am intending to SOBO the AT starting 6/20/2007. I quit my job. I bought the plane ticket to Bangor and I reserved a site at Baxter. I have most of the food and all my gear. Everything is set. I am in my 30’s and I rearranged my life to do this. I have been planning/plotting this for a few years, and finally, I am able to go.

I quit my job at the end of April so I could go to N MN to do some prep hiking on the Superior Hiking Trail (a wonderful trail that I have hiked on before) and possibly Isle Royale. I was a little nervous about hiking alone, but I set out to the remote N terminus, near Canada, and hiked on.

I just want to state here that I have been backpacking before, for as long as several weeks, in the snow, the heat, the bugs, in bad terrain, easy terrain, etc. I have never hiked alone, but always with my boyfriend of 6 years, who is my only family, and my only friend in the world, whom, needless to say, I love very much. That being said, I am generally an aloof person who normally doesn’t mind being alone. I knew that packing alone might be different, and a little more work, but I didn’t think it would be too big a deal.

I set out, and the 1st day was hard but manageable. All the days were. Crawling through blowdowns? Finding ticks partially embedded into me? Listening to awful scouring wind at night at a campsite hoping that I put up the tarptent correctly? OK. Fine. But even when the days were nice, when the weather was beautiful, when the trees were starting to bud and a butterfly was intent of following me, I was in a dark, sad mood. I felt on the verge of tears the whole time. I would stop at an overlook of Lake Superior, when normally I would be SO HAPPY, I was only depressed. I hated taking breaks, I just wanted to keep moving. It was unfortunate, because I physically felt good. I hiked good miles, and had only regular aches & pains. I was so relieved to make it to the 1st trail town 55 miles in. I got off.

I guess I just could not handle hiking alone, without my normal hiking partner. I am still planning on hiking the AT (or trying to, at least) but I am afraid that the same mental/missing thing is going to happen again.

Does anyone else have any experience with this? Any insight or advice would be so helpful. I have already uprooted my life to do this–I am definetely not in a transitional phase right now–and while I still really, really want to hike the AT, I fear that I won’t mentally enjoy it because my boyfriend is not with me. (And he cannot hike with me at this time.)

Sorry this post is so long. I am not trying to whine or feel sorry for myself. I am just trying to see if I can actually do this.

Thank you for any insight, experience, or advice.

TILLY

Tilly

#2

Most people at one time or another in their life go through a phase that they must be alone.

Sometimes its later in life sometimes its early on, sometimes its chosen and sometimes its thrust onto you.

The biggest problem, or fear is the fear. Most people go through their lives attached at the hip to someone, from Family, to friends, to a lover, to a spouse to a job, to whatever…all these are filled with other people who can ‘keep us safe’, or ‘make us happy’.

The thing is all of that is inside of you already, and yeah, it may suck letting go of someone you love, but if its real love, there is no fear needed…and if its not, you’ll know that too, and sooner is far better then later.

I tell you something you may remember when You are a few miles outside of completing your South Bound hike…

you’ll smell the Georgia leaves, you’ll hear those creeks crackling with ice, the birds will be singing, and as the sun heats your wind chilled cheeks the crystal blue sky will open and the tears will come again…not for your boy, but for your new home.

These mountains have a healing power, and if you can handle facing yourself, your internal fears, your bad(and good) deeds through life, those that have wronged you and vice versa and forgive it all, and especially yourself for not embracing solitude sooner, you will succeed and you will be a brand new human being and life will be sweeter for it.

It will hurt, it will be scary, it will suck sometimes…but the little moments that you find your heart is alight and your mind is clean and clear and your spirit is soaring to places you forgot existed, then you will know you made the right choice.

Best of luck

Lion King