My husband leaving for 6 months

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#1

Hi everyone.
I need some advice.
My husband is leaving for 6 months to do the trail and I do not know how to adjust to the idea of him leaving for so long.
We just got married on July/04 and he is planning in leaving on March.
I want him to be happy and achive his dream, but at the same time I am tinking in me … I just got married and I am going to be alone for 6 months, Is this going to afect my marriage?, Am I being selfish for thinking this way?
If you are or had been in this situation, please help me find the way to get thru it.

Vic

#2

Why not just go with him?

icantsleep

#3

What ICS said. You’ll be stronger for it. You’ll also have to work together pretty darn hard. When Bramble and I did the AT in '01 we’d been hitched, lets see, nine years. There were a few testy moments for sure. It’ll be the most and best time you spend together for prob your whole lives, so enjoy it.

Bushwhack

#4

Thank you for answering so quick. I love backpacking only for a weekend I can not imagine leaving for 6 months, but I am considering the idea of going with him. How do you do it financialy?.
:wink:

vic

#5

The key is communication. You were married 4 months ago - did you discuss his plan beforehand? Seems to me you do have some reasonable choices: Go with him for the entire adventure; Pre-plan rendevous with him to either hike part of the trail together or just hang out for a few days; Let him go and play it by ear day-to-day; Have him delay the hike (the operative word is delay - not cancel).

Although a 6 month separation appears to you like the end of life as you know it, keep in mind that for hundreds of thousands of folks in the military, such separations are a standard, repetitive challenge to a normal lifestyle.

I’ve been married 36 years - a period that includes a thirty year Navy career andsix 7+ month separations while I was deployed on a carrier. You can handle the separation if both of you are open in articulating your concerns - and have plans in place to handle potential serious problems / emergencies. Good luck.

Booger

#6

Please, unless you are 100% comitted in starting a thruhike of your own, stay at home. Sorry that line sounds alittle blunt, but the commitment of a thruhuke if what gets you through the miles. Days on end of rain, missed mail drops, broken gear, aches and pains, sleet, hail, snore-ers in shelters; being dedicated and having a love for being out are the only things that can pull you through times like that. Having a sympathetic fellow thruhiker to talk to also helps, but having a complainer straped to your back after a long day will only add to the stress. I’m not saying at all that you fall into that catagory, I’m mearly presenting that situation. There are really only two results that could emerge from hiking together, you could end up with the strongest and most understanding relationship a couple can have, or just the opposite. If you feel you are not ready to commite to a thru of your own, support is the best thing you can do for you husband. Get involved as much as you can with his planning and during his hike. Dehydrate food together, read up yourself on the hike so you can relate to what he’s going through when he calls home to tell you stories, help with sending mail drops(if he is doing that), offer to be a transcriber for an online journal here, put up a map and track his progress, help to replace broken/worn gear. Anything you can do to help him along will give you that connection you’ll need while he’s gone. There are lots of towns along the way which in turns means lots of phones. 4-6 months in a drop in the bucket for the long and loving life you boths are married to. Good luck!

Pepper PA

#7

Read the responses to the thread “I love hiking/hubby doesn’t” It’s similar in that the wife will be at home while the husband is gone for 6 months.

Pepper PA is right, don’t go unless you are enthusiastic about it…stay home and support him from there.

When I first read your entry I thought, “Wow, what a difficult situation…newly weds separated so soon.” Then I remembered that my wife and I were married while I was in the military. After a 2 week leave I was gone for 10 months. Of course I had no choice. If you can handle it, it really says something about your commitment and trust. Good Luck!

Skeemer

#8

You don’t have to hike the whole way, maybe just visit often at towns and hike what you can?

In financial terms, hiking the trail is the cheapest way to live that I can think of. Cut you monthly payments away, and enjoy the freedom of yourself.

Tha Wookie

#9

Anyone who leaves their husband or wife to hike does not love him/her. It is wrong. Of course everyone here says its ok. Go to mortgageandbabies.com and see what kind of answer you get.

Mr Teach

#10

What planet do you live on? A true loving relationship would support any adventure!!!
My $.02

Observer

#11

Let see…You got married aprox. four months ago and your husband is leaving for six months soon…and you are waiting till now to express your doubts? HELLO! Come on! One or both of you is negligent in not bringing the up ramifications of his hike before you got married.

Not to be harsh Vic, but it seems you are a bit late to the party. The time for this discussion with your hubby was about five or more months ago.

Exile

#12

What if the wife gets starts to swell in a family way during those six months. “It must have been that night we met in Damascus, dear.” Do I hear a “cookoo” clock strike 12? :x

Marriage Counselor

#13

Time for you to find another venue for your hatred.
You’re Fired!

Bye bye

Bluebearee

#14

I just got married in July… i plan on hitting the trail next year for two months… and my husband supports it 100%. He is going to come out with me for a few times and pick me up and stuff. I am a teacher, so I can afford two months of hiking.
TRUST him!

windex

#15

Consider starting with him at Springer, with the idea you’ll hike with him as long as you’re both enjoying it (that means enjoying the hard times too - a perverse sort of enjoyment, to be sure).

Then get off if/when it’s not your cup of tea, and run trail support, like Queen Diva did this year. By the time you get off, you’ll have many new trail friends of your OWN, since these incredible, deep bonds can form early on. You’ll see them all the time at trailheads and in town. They’ll be YOUR firends too, and these friendships last years and years (so get in on the ground floor, and you’ll never feel left out).

You’ll also know exactly what “the life” is like and won’t be prey to an over-active imagination.

I would not suggest getting back on the trail as a hiker later on, because by then a strong forward momentum is formed. Don’t underestimate this momentum. There is an urgency to keep going, and it’s not personal. You won’t be in thruhiker shape either. Maybe hike together for a day or part of week, tops, in this situation.

It could be, with a can-do attitude, the adventure of a lifetime for you both. Trust me, if you do trail support, yours will be the most welcome face on the trail! :wink:

Jan LiteShoe

#16

Teach, this sounds like your own personal hot button.

Shoe

#17

i got engaged and then left for 5 months on a thru. i came home for 2.5 years and left again for 5 months on another thru of a different trail. she understands me and i understand her. i wont say that she was wonderfully happy or ecstatic either time but she knew it was something that i wanted to do. she supported me both times. relationships are about give and take and we both understand this. its something we both do. it is something that you will both be proud of down the road. even if you stay at home and work you will make new friends and do things that you might not otherwise do if your husband was home. your family/friends/coworkers will all enjoy talking about the things that he is going through. and when he gets home you will never be happier. i think when you are married it makes the adjustment back into the real world a lot easier. you fall back into your routine more quickly. and you have someone there to support you while you look for a job.
i will say that there are things that you wont understand about him until you go through something like this yourself.
whatever you do dont try to stop him from taking this trip. it will cause a lot of arguments. never use the word cancel. postpone maybe but not for years and years. you will see that it is easier to let him go. even if he postpones it he will think about it all the time and regret not going. i hope this helps and doesnt hurt. i am very glad to be home and its only been about a month. but i am barely allowed to say the word thru-hike without a funny look. people have a tendency to ask “so when and where is your next big adventure going to be”.

WISE OWL

#18

Did you know before you got married that he had a dream of thruhiking or is this something new?

Is there any way you can see hiking with him? If at all possible, I would suggest doing the trail with him. If you can’t afford it, then both of you should work hard for an extra year or two until you can afford it.

While I agree that it helps to have the fire in the belly to do the trail before you start - the intense desire to finish will see you through some of the hard times - I have also known people who just ‘went along’ with a friend or family member who ended up finishing the trail while the original person didn’t. Thruhiking is hard - some people thrive on the challenges and some can’t stand them.

As you can see in this forum and elsewhere, thruhiking can be a very intense and life-altering experience for some of us. It is better if you go through that kind of experience together rather than separately. He will grow and change – don’t you want to be a part of that experience?

Yes, some couples do fine with one person hiking and the other not – but that depends on their relationship, their desire to live independent lives, and whether the person who stays at home is happy with being the ‘responsible one’ who pays the bills and takes care of the other person’s needs regardless of their own. Some people like to have a few months of freedom while their partner goes hiking. But if you married with the expectation of having someone to share your life - then you will probably not be all that happy to go back to batching it again. More, when he comes back it will be as if a stranger has walked through the door - because he will be. You may not want him back if you get used to being alone again. You may decide you are happier without him there. A lot of soldiers wives discover that readjustment is difficult for both sides.

In any case - you two really need to talk.

Ginny

#19

My wife and I thru hiked in '03 SOBO (Grommie and FatCat). It was the best experience of our lives (we had been married for 3 days when we started. When we finished we had $1000 to our names (it seemed). When we bought out house 3 months later we did only have $20 to our names. We would be more than happy to discuss the financial, mental, physical tolls of the thruhike. It is tough to not be supportive…but you’ll figure out the right thing to do. We also met people along the way who’s wives/husbands met up with them periodically for support, etc. There are many ways to keep everybody happy, and for your marriage to flourish while the AT is being hiked…email me at thruhikers2003@yahoo.com

Michael Sanwald (FatCat)

#20

Everyone has to put their wiener into someone. If your not around…

Mr Teach