Repeat offenders and guilt from home

imported
#1

I have a question for repeat long-distance hikers. Those who’ve hike the AT and PCT or CDT or repeated one. How did this all go over with family and friends? I want to hike the PCT after having hiked the AT. Did people expect you to “get over” your need to hike a long trail or has anyone felt the pressure to keep at a job? What were reactions from loved ones the second time around? More understanding than the first time or even worse?? I’m almost feeling guilty for wanting the life again, but only because those I love WILL make me feel that way, since I’ve hinted at it already. Any input would help, thanks!

Alex

#2

As long as they’re not paying for it, why would it matter? If they’re paying for it or you’re married, well I guess that would be another story.

Jukebox

#3

I have not thru hiked. I want to. I ponder about thruhiking : Are the resources invested really worth it?
Hike your own hike; Live your own life?
I read the journals of AT Nobo thru’s in MA, VT, NH–they are burnt around the edges.
Then I read the reports of Katahdin Summiters.

sloghound

#4

Alex,
If you can find the means to pay for your upcoming hike, why feel the pressure to be tied to one job. You’re young and don’t have obligations to raising any children, so go hike! Perhaps you need to reevaluate who are your friends and “family”. Your trail family and friends are larger than you think and will give you the support you need. Cin

MrsGorp

#5

Whose life is it? Are you going to live your life trying to satisfy the expectations of others? This is a fundamental question that goes way beyond a choice of hiking or not hiking. How you answer it will affect the rest of your days. Live while you are alive.

Exile

#6

This reminds me of some other post I saw here. I think it was greenie asking how thru-hikers just up and left their jobs, families, friends, etc. and the subsequent posts that told greenie to just do it! then someone posted a thing about mortgageandbabies.com saying that of course you will get that sort of answer at a site like this.

well, my actual point is that you should be the one making the decision about how your life is lived. sure, you care about what your friends and family think. but you can never be sure that they completely understand what it means to you that you feel the need to hike a long distance trail again, whether it’s the same one or a new one.

when i hike the PCT next summer, my friends and family will have to accept that this is what i’m doing with my life right now, that it could remain like this for many years, or it might turn back towards the conventional, work-a-steady-job-and-have-a-family-etc. life.

now, to break the (good!) news to my parents…:eek:

zero

#7

are we meant to live our lives guided by guilt?

zero

#8

Alex…I think both Exile and Zero hit the nail on the head with thier comments. It’s your life, enjoy it, live it to the fullest, have fun, do what makes you happy. Before you realize it, you’ll wake up one day and be 50 years old. Trust me on this one!! :tongue I think the saddest phrases I’ve ever heard are…“I wish I had” or “If I only had”. Yes, you have a responsibility to your family but that should not include allowing them to dictate your life. If they do love you, and I’m sure they do, they’ll support you in the end. Hey…it could be a lot worse!! It’s not like you’re a drug addict or something. You’re just a smelly, dirty hiker trash!!!

Go…enjoy the PCT…live the life again…and again…and again if that’s what YOU want.

Moose

#9

On day I woke up and I was 50. So I went out and climbed Mt Whitney as a day 22 mile hike. I looked down and saw the JMT coming in from the other side and knew that was for me (hiked at ages 51 and 52). On the JMT I realized a trail went from Mex-Can and had to hike it (PCT at age 53. Then the CDT (age 55) called to me and why stop with it and leave the AT (age 56)unfinished.

My points are that hiking is addictive =) and that the trails will be there. Our elder son mailed boxes on the PCT and that chore was passed on to his younger brother for the CDT and a former neighbor for the AT.

Don’t forget to tell your family that valuable life lessons are learned on the trail: determination, perseverence, organization, self reliance, navigation, additional or different skills interacting with people, living on the planet lightly, realizing that material goods are not all that important.

Life will always have choices and lots of them can be now or later.

Best wishes and we hikers are proud of you for hiking!
…GottaWalk

Marcia

#10

hey zero… that wasn’t me but i did read that post and think people gave some great advice (and it’s funny how we seek advice from a biased site)

alex… i have not completed a thruhike yet and moved onto others, but i have had other adventures that were met first w/ hesitation and questions about practicality. i found it very interesting that those same people who gave that hesistation were the ones to “brag” about me after that particular adventure was over (or during it for that matter).

as you choose your path, and your adventures- stepping away from the “norm”-- you DO do a great thing that isn’t selfish (at least imo) you set an example for others. they will see your vibrance and vigor for life compared to the drone of practicalities… and values are then questioned by those ordinary folks. just bc you choose to get back on the trail and live life fully, and present in each moment, OUT THERE… in no way does that mean that in the long scheme of your life and humanity… that it’s not practical. (remember practical and “reality” are all creations of our specific culture… changing and different w/ place, time, experience and wisdom)

i rambled… but the point is… those same people harrassing you now just haven’t been there. and i’ll bet after you go, and come back in one piece and a nicer person :smiley: they will be proud of you and bragging to everyone they can about your experiences. you’d be doing yourself and everyone else an injustice if you don’t do what’s right for you. blah blah blah… i’m sure you get it.

greenie

#11

On my first hike my family was very supportive - they enjoy travel, so for them it was just a different kind of vacation trip. On my second hike I met resistence, “You’ve already done it, why do it again?” On my third hike the attitude was first to ignore it in hopes that it would go away, and then, “You’ve got to be kidding! When are you going to grow up and get a real life?” (When I got married, they hoped that Jim would provide some stability, and that he would be smart enough to keep me tied to an ordinary life. Boy were they wrong!) I’ve told them that we’re going out again and I think they don’t believe me. Does it matter? No. Not a bit. I couldn’t work a 60 hour week so I can live in a big house and play golf every week. But my brother and his wife are happy doing that. The others each do their own thing. I wouldn’t trade my life for theirs and vice versa. You are the one who has to live with the choices you make. Will doing multiple thruhikes make it harder for you to ‘live a normal life’ - probably. Will you burn out on hiking? Maybe - some do, some don’t. Will you decide that success and security are not what you need for your future? Possibly. Will thruhiking lead to other interesting events, people, activities? Most likely.

Spirit Walker

#12

Thanks for all these well-thought interesting, supportive answers-I do appreciate them a lot!
Yes, I’ve certainly got some issues to figure out for sure, that extend quite a bit further than deciding to hike the PCT. If I can get the money together and find the approrpiate time window, I will go for it this summer, otherwise it’s gonna have to wait till 06’. I didn’t mention that I was in college, which might make a difference. I haven’t achieved the point of independence (even after finishing the AT) where I’m totally feeling comfortable about breaking away from my parents (aka not caring what they think). Unfortunately, taking a full course load, I can’t do more than work part time so I don’t have the liberty of being completely financially independent. Maybe that’ll add some perspective.

The fact is that I still need to re-evaluate who I’m living this life for. I

Alex

#13

Now here is a topic near and dear to my heart! :slight_smile:

I come from a family where everyone until recently lived within a 10 minute radisu of each other. I am talking about 16 grandchildren, 6 children, great-grandchildren, grandparents. ETc. Phew! No one moved out of Rhode Island, much less go hiking for five mos at a time!

When I did the AT everyone was quite happy for me. The local paper did a write up. All my relatives bragged about it and could tell they were proud.

Then I moved to Colorado. Might as well have moved to Mars.
Did I mention everyone lived within ten minutes of each other? It was very radical notion for my family. Made me a bit of a blacksheep in the family. :slight_smile:

When I quit my “good job” to go hiking on the PCT in 2002, the family was confused. (When I say family, I mean everyone. Not just Mom, Dad, brothers, etc.) Giving up a “good job” to go hiking!!! OK…you moved to Colorado away from all of us. But you found a “good job”. Time to settle down, meet a nice girl, get married…have kids! Mind you, I was only 28 when I did the PCT. When I attended a family wedding after doing the PCT, my grandmother and mother pulled me aside and asked “Don’t you think it is time to settle down?”

Two years later the wanderlust has not abated. At thirty years old and not married in my family, well, it is a minor scandal. :slight_smile: To go hiking instead of wanting to raise a family, work for all but two weeks a year…does not make sense to them. You should see their reaction when I spend holidays (with friends) in say Utah!

Guess I am trying to say is that many people do not understand the life we have chosen. It is a common story.
You have to do what makes you happy. For now it is hiking. In the future it may be other challenges.

I’ll leave you with these words:

Carefully observe the way your heart draws you and then choose that way with all your strength. --Hasidic saying

ps. On antoher thread we’ll discuss girlfriends who think the outdoors should be more hobby, less lifestyle…
:slight_smile:

Mags

#14

just pound out the school… no summer breaks… no semesters off to “find yourself”… just get a degree… then you have a license to lack traditional ambitions. the degree shuts up the people who think being avid participants in the job game is the right way to live.

but then again, people who don’t appreciate or respect who you are as an autonomous individual without measuring your value as a sentient creature in terms of your accomplishments probably don’t deserve much validation from you anyway. smile and nod where appropriate and let all the nagging go in one ear and out the other then become informed and make your own decisions.

smitty

#15

This all comes down to one question:

How do you measure your achievements?

Do you use external measures? Like salary? How many degrees you have? How many “friends” know your name at work or school?

Or do you use intrinsic measures? Like how happy you are with your decisions. Or how much quality time you spend with your family. Or hiking the trail because that’s what you want, and not because anyone else “approves” of it.

You have to be practical about it, though. Not being able to support yourself and taking handouts from family (or welfare or unemployment) just so you can loaf around and do what you want isn’t much of an achievement. It’s one thing for a college kid to take an adventure of discovery with a parent’s financial help - it’s another thing for a grown man/woman to collect unemployment because s/he didn’t have the discipline to save enough money for the hike.

So be practical enough to support yourself in whatever you do. If that means finishing a degree first, do it. If you’re happy making minimum wage and earning enough for the hike, that’s the practical way to achieve your goals.

HYOH.

Jeff

#16

Just had to put my two cents in since someone above said “unless you’re married.” In 2000, I hiked the A.T., while my husband–my best friend–stayed home. He loves to backpack, and we hope to someday thru-hike some trail together, but long-distance hiking was and is primarily my dream. He was so supportive about the A.T. hike, and he’s supportive again about my plans to hike the PCT in 2006. I notice that many “repeat offenders” do their second and sometimes third (or more) hikes much closer together, but for me my second and third thru-hikes will be six years apart. My husband wasn’t at all surprised when I began making “comments” about the PCT a couple of months ago, and he was actually the one who voiced it first: “Why don’t you plan another thru-hike. Go for it!” (Man, I love him.) My parents, well, there was a significant pause (over the phone), and then a flat “oh” from my mom. Didn’t say much. About a week went by between calls, and the next time I spoke to them, they were “talking trail.” Unlike before my A.T. hike, I didn’t try to shove it down their throats, and with a little time, they came around. I’d go for another long hike anyway, but it IS much nicer when people are supportive. Most folks will come around, I think, especially once you start walking. And then, if you achieve your goal, and if the naysayers are anything like my parents were before I started the A.T., they’ll be talking like they thought it was a great idea all along once you finish.

ramkitten

#17

I just wanted to say that when I said, “unless you’re married,” I didn’t mean married people shouldn’t hike the trail. I just meant that if you are, understandibly, it matters what your spouse has to say about it. Hopefully, you’ve picked a spouse that loves hiking, too!

The other thing is if you’re not paying for it yourself (i.e. your parents are footing the bill), then you aren’t completely free.

So get free. I spent a lot of my 20’s travelling around the world, and earned my own money to do it, waitressing before I left and teaching English along the way. I was 19 and went to Taiwan alone with only $100 in my pocket. You can be poor and free, or let someone else pay your way and tell you what to do. I’m not saying don’t listen to your family, and for sure, finishing the degree first is a wise choice. But when you move out and start paying your own way, you can decide to do whatever you want. Life is great that way.

Jukebox

#18

before i say anything else, imagine what it’s like to plan a long-distance hike with young children. any relative we mention it to looks at us like aliens have suddenly burst from our skins. our brother-in-law said, “what, do you want to have an even greater appreciation of indoor plumbing?” but his father thouught it sounded great and wants to join us for a week or so. :wink:

look, if you’re a college student with no unreceptive spouse to answer to and no children to support, then go for it. you DO NOT have to live your whole life within the accepted parameters of society - taking 6 months off to hike is not going to ruin anything, and honestly will be a huge learning experience for you. if we had known the PCT existed back in 1999, we would have gone for it the next year. sadly, that opportunity passed and we’re temporarily in a situation where the whole trail isn’t an option. so we’re planning sections until life opens up a little more and lets us take a crack at the whole thing.

tarbubble

#19

Re: Biased site - of course I come to this site for the biased opinions and support … I get enough flack from family. I think the rules even state that this site is for support of backpacking, if I remember correctly.

Re: living your own dream - not complaining, I just find it interesting that musicians, artists, dancers, etc. who haven’t succeeded yet are considered “struggling artists” and are often supported (financially and otherwise) by family, friends and girlfriends/wives (and sometimes government grants) but hikers often are not. I wonder if this is because there aren’t as many hikers out there or if it’s because there’s a chance that “artists” might actually make a living at it or what?

IMHO if you are thru-hiking or even section-hiking, it’s more than a hobby. It’s your passion. Cheers to the passionate! :cheers

Leslie

#20

I have been in an awesome relationship for four years. We have been planning to hike the PCT as a couple. She is now pregnant and will be way too plump to hike the cali desert come this spring. I said ‘honey, I still want to hike the PCT but I dont want to leave you alone’. She said ‘HIKE it, by all means, I would rather you be happy and we take a break, then you be here miserable dreaming about the trail’.

Dan