What this place needs is a good joke

imported
#1

Q: What’s the difference between a homeless vagrant and a thru-hiker.

A: Gortex

Q: What’s the difference between a thru-hiker and a weekend hiker.

A: The thru-hiker picks up the M&M and eats it.

A plane is crashing and it just so happens that there are not enough parachutes for all the passengers. On this plane are:Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, a preacher, of course a pilot, and a hiker going to mt.kilamanjaro.

First of all Bill Clinton takes a parachute and says,“I am the President of the United States of America, I need to live so I can lead the country.”, and jumps from the plane.

Next,the pilot says,“I am the best pilot in the world, my country needs me” and jumps.

Next Hilllary takes a parachute and says, “I’m the smartest lady in the world, besides, I’m needed to help keep Willy in line.” She jumps.

Then the only people left are the preacher and the hiker. The preacher says, “you take the parachute, I’m ready to die”.

But the hiker says,“Naaah , we can both go. The smartest lady in the world just took my backpack”.

(Hey, I’m Democrat its just a joke)

Anybody know any good ones?

Crusoe of Lonesome Lake

#2

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. He drinks it and orders another. He repeats the process 30 times and the bartender says: “wow i have never seen anyone drink so much that fast? whats your secret?”
The guy looks at him for a minute and then says,“I am an alcoholic and I just killed my family”.:lol

Moon

#3

Two Hikers go to Ireland for a vacation. After Hiking all over the country they rent a couple of donkeys so they can go to town and see the sites.

They pass a bar and one hiker say to the other “Lets stop and try out some of that famous Irish beer.” The other Hiker say “Hey, I could stand 1 or 2 or 22.”.

So the tie their asses up outside and go in and have 1 or 2 or 22 drinks and become somewhat loud. After a while they decide to go but when they someone has painted their asses green.

The first hiker runs back in and jumps up on the bar with his fists clenched and hollers “Who painted my ass green?”

A Great big Irishman walks over and gets about and inch from his face and say “I did”

The hikers backs up a step blinks and hollers “well the first coats dry”

Crusoe of Lonesome Lake

#4

goes ddddduuuuuuUUUUUUU and walks home and lays his sister again and after they’re thru she says Honey tell the kids to wash up supper will be ready soon.

Feel the love. FEEL IT>:happy

Torll

#5

OK, think back to November 1999…

the day after the Supreme Court settled things, George Bush & Dick Cheney go out to breakfast to celebrate. the waitress comes up to the table and asks Cheney, “What’ll ya have, hon?”

Cheney says “I’ll have 4 eggs, bacon, sausage, pancakes and coffee.” The waitress looks at Bush and says “what about you, darlin’?” Bush says “I’ll have a quickie.”

The waitress gasps, “And I thought you were gonna restore honor & dignity to the White House!” and she storms away.

Cheney leans over to Bush and whispers in his ear, “It’s pronounced ‘quiche.’”

tarbubble

#6

“The Federal government anounced it was worried about the long-tem effects of medical marijuana on the terminally ill.”

Crusoe of Lonesome Lake

#7

George Bush is walking down the street one day and sees a little boy by the side of the road with a sign saying “republican puppies for sale”. Two weeks later he walks by and the little boy is still there but now the sign says “democrat puppies for sale”. So the president stops and asks “why were they republican puppies two weeks ago and today they are democrat puppies”? The little boy replies “because now they have opened their eyes and can see”.

Big B

#8

Did you hear that Bill and Hillary are dating the same woman?

Monica, Bill, and Hillary made the whole thing up and scammed the whole country to get us away from “Whitewater”, where the real crime took place.

Definition of a Dog—a hiker’s self propelled meal.

Definition of a Cat—a meal you have to carry.

Definition of a hiker in Grissley country–a self propelled meal.

Old Dog giving advice to young dog, while the old dog is pissing on a post: (1) if you can’t eat it, and can’t f*** it, then piss on it. But most importantly (2) stay away from hungry hikers.

Fireman’s wife to Fireman: Honey, when I’m screaming “Bell Three”, I mean more hose, you are not getting to the fire.

See you out there.:cheers :cheers :cheers :cheers :cheers

Maintain

#9

Bill and Hillary go to heaven, and they’re standing at the Pearly Gates waiting to get in.

St. Peter, guarding the gate, says “Wait here a minute while I go check and make sure your name is in the Book of Life before I let you in.” He posts his junior assistant to watch them while he goes back to check.

A few minutes later the assistant comes running back to Peter, out of breath and yelling “They’re GONE! , They’re GONE!”
St. Peter says “You mean the Clintons?”
“NO,” he says, “the Pearly Gates!”:lol

RockyTrail

#10

A hiker walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “I want 5 of the most expensive shots of whiskey you can find.”

Bartender says “Well that Scotch back there is $35 a shot.”
Hiker says “Well, give it to me.”

So he pours up five shot glasses of the Scotch and the hiker gulps them down one right after another.

“Man,” says the bartender, “I’ve NEVER seen anyone drink like that before!”

“You would if you’ve got what I’ve got,” says the hiker.

“Oh really, just what have you got?” says the bartender.

Hiker says “I’ve got fifty cents.”

RockyTrail