Relationships - Appalachian Trail

imported
#1

I’m 34 now and have had a plan to do a thru hike since i was in my late teens. I now have the time and money to do it. The girl i have been with for almost 6 years has no desire to even think about trail life. She likes/dislikes her job. She is so set on security i couldn’t take it anymore. So my plan is section hikes of the PCT this summer, the PCT thru next summer and then a APT starting in Feb of 06. Have i lost my mind or should i just follow my dream while i have a chance to do so over the next few years. Loved her alot but…anyone else gave up on a relationship to follow a dream?

frey

#2

oops…my plan is the CT thru in 05 and then the AT thru in 06.

frey

#3

You may get out on the trail and realize your heart’s in your honey, and go running back before some other guy can secure her, whose idea of wilderness is driving that new OFF-ROAD SUV he just bought. :frowning:

On the other hand your honey may end up popping babies next year in which case you’ll never hike for more than a few hours at a time again. :frowning:

On the other hand (this being a 3-handed monster) your best bet may be short section hiking so you can have the best of both worlds. :oh

brey

#4

Frey…go hiking. Don’t even think about it. If she loves you, she’ll be there. Also: there’s tons of pretty women on the Trail-young and old. I was amazed. If you stay, all you’re going to do is think about hiking and REGRET HER. Don’t do it…hit the road. AND HAVE FUN. I’ll be looking for your trailjournal.

StarLyte

#5

Reframe the situation. It is not an either-or choice (or it doesn’t have to be). To leave a lover to go on a long distance hike (which doesn’t last forever BTW) can be energizing. There are many on the AT and other trails who have someonew waiting at home. Some have girlfriends or boyfriends meet them at strategic places along the trail (Hot Springs to name one) where rendevous can be enjoyed. It is nice to have someone at “home” to write to and express your new experiences to while out in the wilderness. It is also nice to have someone who will send a box of goodies from time to time.

The hike will only last for 6 months or so. If love is solid it will last a lifetime.

Skylander

#6

I hike every summer, sometimes for up 5 months at a time. My husband loves me and knows that after 20 years of raising children I need to spread my wings and fly a little.

On the other hand, if the relationship is dead and done, then go hike before you get tied up in another one.

Sue/HH

Hammock Hanger

#7

Yo Frey!

YES! You have lost your mind…but, as a great poet once said:…“if i wasnt a little crazy…i’d just go insane!”

go hiking…maybe take a few weeks to do a section of whatever TRAIL is close/convenient to your locale.

My wife lets me “walk in the woods” a few weeks every year (i’m on the 20-year-plan to finish the A.T.).

But, she loves me, & day-hikes with me on occassion…& like others have said…meets me in some of the “trail towns” for a long weekend.

:smiley:

see ya’ll UP the trail!
www.trailjournals.com/Jaybird

Jaybird

#8

Bramble tells me to GET OUT. She’s a hiking machine but sometimes she just wants me to get it out of my system and vsv even tho I feel quilty for leaving. HH knows what I meen. The homebody will understand especially if the two of whom ever are mature. :tongue

Bushwhack

#9

If the relationship is solid and strong, it will survive anything.

So hike.

On the other hand, a solid and strong relationship requires a great deal from each partner----to keep it solid and strong. So what are you giving in return?

See you out there. :cheers

Maintain

#10

Forget the girl, go hike

A-Train

#11

Go hike.

If it will make you feel better, I’ll keep her company. Prevent her from getting lonely.
What is her phone number?:pimp

Bob

#12

If you’re thinking about this whole thing in terms of how much she blows, then you probably aren’t as in to her as you should be. Don’t spend another 6 years with a woman who doesn’t rock yo socks. Oh yeah - and go hiking.

-Kate :girl

Kate

#13

I think my mind is made up i’m going to hit the trails. If i don’t do it now while i have the time, money, and health I’ll regret it later on. Its not often in life where you can have all 3 of these things at the same time. This isn’t a few weeks. I’m planning most of this summer, all of next summer and then spring summer fall of the next year. Thats alot of time to come up with while still being able to come back and live The Amrican dream of owning a home and paying Uncle Sam. I can leave her and move on but if there were kids there is no way i’d run off.

frey

#14

frey-
Your last sentence of your latest post is insightful. “I can leave her and move on, but if I had kids there is no way I’d run off”. The way I see it (and only YOU can make this call) there’s not much holding you to your woman.
GO HIKE, AND DON’T LOOK BACK. While you’re out there - and in your head - you may start having regretful thoughts. DON’T DO THAT.

Peep

#15

you might find out after the first hike that maybe hiking for the better part of two years isn’t what you really want to do afterall. hey! I didn’t say don’t go – just honestly re-assess the situation after the first hike.

Wild Hare

#16

anyone heard of it? I go on at least one 200+ mile hike a year solo. My boyfriend - the dayhiker - stays home and watches the house and our dogs. I love hiking, but I also love him and my life. Why does it have to be all or nothing?

Robin

#17

Frey, I left a relationship where the dude was hell-bent on security. Like buying a new Jetta and beginning max contributions to his 401k at age 22. Admirable I guess, but not for me and I found his imposition of these values onto me stifling. He often dropped comments or implied that I was abnormal and got all pissy that he couldn’t seem to mold me into his little wifey & soccer ma of his kids.

That all being said, my current boyfriend is big on security now too, and his career…but the attitudes a little different. Sure he won’t accompany me on all these crazy-ass travels, but he enjoys short-term ones, and is a lot more laid back about the whole thing. We don’t like the separation, but he likes to throw himself into work and doing things with the guys while I’m gone. Knowing he will hold down the fort, so to speak, is comforting in itself.

So is your girlfriend at least acknowledging your separate priorities and willing to accomodate? Are you? Or is she trying to impose her values on you?When I realized my ex had sold out for good, I sent him back to his suburb and never regret it.

K. Glo

#18

It is pretty obvious that their basic needs and goals are very different right now. She wants/needs/values security and has no interest in hiking. He wants to experience long distance hiking and values freedom/adventure. It sounds like compromise isn’t possible when the values are so different. A friend recently broke up with his girlfriend over similar issues. Her comment was, “With you it isn’t a hobby, it’s a lifestyle.” For the really committed outdoor person, being on the trail is a need, not a wish. It is hard enough for those who have thruhiked to explain to those who do not know what the experience is like what it means to them. Hard enough if your partner is a hiker. Much harder if the partner has no interest in it. I knew one PCT hiker whose wife thought the whole idea of thruhiking was ‘disgusting’. How do you explain why you want to live rough for six months or more to someone who values luxury? How do you explain that you may be leaving home several times in the next few years to explore the world when your partner values stability and security? There is no security in the long distance hiking life. Those of us who are willing to give up safe jobs to go on an adventure seem insane to those who value financial security above all. Our willingness to hike alone for days or longer is incomprehensible to someone who values social connections, community and family.

In any relationship, the more closely aligned your basic values, the stronger the relationship. Long distance hikers can have non hiking partners if they have other core values in common. It sounds like Frey and his friend don’t.

Spirit Walker

#19

What a coincidence!!! I just got done breaking the news to my girl that I was gonna be on the trail next year and she dumped me on the spot. She actually threw me out of her apartment. I really was not that broken up because she was being very irrational and totally clinging to the security thing. Even though she knew I was trail trash, she could not comprehend why anyone would want to do this “thru hiking” thing. I had my answer right there. I feel so energized and liberated. Well anyways, I think that was probably was a blessing in diguise. Go hike MAN!! :pimp

Tribes

#20

Hey man no worries. I was checking out your plans for your 05 thru hike and came up with a great alternate plan for ya. Since you were planning on doing the hike with such a light load and so quickly maybe you could find a nice female at the begining of the trail with to much weight. You then offer to carry some of her stuff thus slowing you down and speeding her up. Trail Love :cheers

frey